2010 New Year Resolution

It is time for my true New Year Resolution 1 John 5: 14This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 15And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him. I am asking in Yahshua’s name, based on my resolve, my marriage to one Rickey Edward Stough, shall be dissolved and we will be divorced, prayerfully before my 47th birthday, definitely by the end of 2010, God willing. Amen
I believe Jesus or Yahshua is the son of God. I love God, Father Yahweh, and I love His son Yahshua. He is the true God and eternal life. I have been stating for years that this system of things, this world, is Lucifer’s the slanderer / Devil. I am reborn in Jesus and therefore I have the ability to overcome the world. The whole world is under the control of the evil one. I have strength in Christ to stand firm in my beliefs, on my own, with just His support and His spirit living in me…through me.

Sometimes I feel all alone, even though I live with five other people. I have my belief system, and the others in this house have their own personal relationships with their Higher Power. I do not judge nor do I know their hearts. Only God has that knowledge. I do know that gambling, anger, and abusive words fly almost every night in the lower quarters of the house. Meanwhile upstairs is horrific pain and a search for a pain killer be it in the form of alcohol, marijuana, or pills. They just bring to mind the scripture:
1 Corinthians 6
9Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders 10nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
In my quarters it is just me, myself, I, my angels and a constant conversation with Father Yahweh through Yahshua. Two of my children live in this house as well, however they are young adults who work and have social lives and are hardly ever home. I truly don’t know who is washed and sanctified in this house. I can only speak for myself…otherwise I very well may be serving the father of lies!
When I am feeling along it is usually because I am craving a human connection in the form of a mate. Someone who understands my belief system and believes as I do. A man who gets me and all that I am about and accepts me as is. Not often though, as I truly am never alone. I have the Holy Spirit with me 24-7. I am human though, and miss the intimacies of a human relationship. I can honestly say that I have not been decently kissed in over 20 years. I sacrifice that condition and am here to tell you that sex, although as wondrous and so feel good as it is, it is not a necessity of life! Yeah, yeah, yeah those of you, who know me, truly know me, know that when I am in a relationship I turn in to an insatiable lover. My sex drive doesn’t park or slip into neutral it gets stuck in drive. Well, I am not in a relationship, and I have vowed to my God and my Lord and Savior that I will not enter into another relationship until I am divorced from my unbelieving husband who abandoned our marriage bed years and years ago. Then and only then will I look to start a relationship with another man with the intention of serious dating which leads to marriage. I will not lie with another man unless he is my husband.

The only reason to be married is if you can not abstain. 1 Corinthians 7 9But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. Now I can abstain, but I don’t want to, I am freaking burning here!! Yeah, yeah, yeah Christians are not to divorce. Did I mention I am married to an unbeliever and he deserted our marriage bed? He moved out of state to Florida. He doesn’t love me or want me; he just has his own reasons for not wanting to divorce me, a divorce, by the way, I am biblically entitled to! 1 Corinthians 7 15But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. I would love to be in peace with my sexual nature!

Perhaps he thinks he is punishing me, that is more his style. Well, I have come to the conclusion that I am going to have to play hard-ball. I am going to have to see about having him investigated for mismanagement of our son’s, Cordan, trust fund. Actually more like misappropriation of funds! Our son was hit by a car when he was 35 months old and there was money from the incident for our son’s future. Rickey used it for his future and pissed it away; crude terminology, but ever so true! Eh, I will hirer a divorce lawyer and try it the court system way instead of on my own like I did the last two times. If that doesn’t work, then I will play hard-ball. I will have to check with my son first and see what he says, he is so blindly loyal to his dad. That is one of the after effects of the car accident. A survivor of major head trauma Cordan / Corey is very easily manipulated. I am not a manipulator…guess who is!

Corey is talented, creative, sensitive, loving, strong, and dedicated. He is an amazing man with a code of honor that makes him stand by his dad. He stated to me once that he was afraid that if he left his dad, his dad would have no-one and end up committing suicide. He vividly saw this as if it were a premonition. I have been separated from my husband for a long time now. I have no idea who he is now. When I was with him, I could positively unequivocally tell you that wouldn’t be a thought in the man’s head. He has said that if he ever had a condition that was life threatening or if he was going to be less than he was, he would just walk out into the woods and never come back. He didn’t say if he would take a gun or a knife with him, just that he would not die in the house. I do know that if he were to be a vegetable he would not want to be on life support running up hospital bills. He doesn’t want to be resuscitated if there is a chance he’s be paralyzed or if he had a brain injury that would make him less than who he is. If there is a possibility he may have brain damage or need to wear a “diaper”…any of these scenarios, then just let him die. I would be surprised if he has changed his mind about any of that. Suicide? He is too intelligent for that. His personality may have changed, however the man is still brilliant, talented and creative that can’t change, it is his foundation the nature of his condition.

Just so you all know: I would never ever consider suicide, it is a sure fire one way ticket to Hell. So, I will not even contemplate IF and HOW I would do myself in! I have made it clear to every one and anyone who will listen to me over and over again through out my life. If ever you find me dead and it looks like suicide, its murder! It would have to be murder I am not going to Hell.

Father, I come before You in Yahshua’s name, pleading my case. You know my heart. I prayed for years that You would call Rickey and that he would answer. Now we are apart, and he is not willing to live with me to the standards I require. Please Father, I need a covering, You know what I need better than I do. Please, I am storing up my treasures for the New Earth and the New Heaven. I long to hear” 'Well done, good and faithful servant! …” I do not want to be accounted with those whom You will be gnashing Your teeth over. Those You will cut off from You at the end of days. Hebrews 11: 16 But now they desire a better, that is, a heavenly country. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them. I pray You do not cringe when I say You are my God. I give You leave, and invite You into my day, every day. Every day I say may Your will be done. I sing along with Family Force 5, “Replace Me” Crush me, tear me, break me, mold me Make me what You want me to be I am Your's for You to use Oh, Take and Replace me with You. I pray it is Your will for me to be free of Rick in Satan’s system of things. I need You to interfere and over ride Satan’s hold on my legal worldly issue of marriage and put through my divorce…I am begging You. Amen
There is something that has been laid on my heart. Me. The way I am. My likes and dislikes and the way I think and do things. Since totally devoting myself to servitude of You I have gotten several tattoos, developed a passion for Vampire Folklore, and have cleaned up my life. You know all this. I know we are not to have graven images to bow down and worship, I am not worshipping my tattoos. I worship You and Yahshua. You know my heart and my craziness. I have a touch of OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) nothing major, hopefully an endearing idiosyncrasy. I still stand my ground and say that You are my creator and You made me this way. Sure the tattoos were my choice, but I believe this body is a vessel for my soul and there is no harm in decorating it. It’s not coming with me to the New Earth and New Heaven. Ashes to ashes dust to dust. 2 Corinthians 5 8 We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. I want to be cremated anyway, 1 Corinthians 13:3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Yes I know the body is the temple, but we are to be concerned with the inside of our bodies. 1 Corinthians 6 12"Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"—but I will not be mastered by anything. 13"Food for the stomach and the stomach for food"—but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. 14By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. 15Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." 17But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.
18Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. Now this is why I abstain and yet have tattoos! God knows my heart and He hasn’t laid on my heart yet to have them removed, so…until He does…I will have tattoos and may get a few more! I am fleeing from sexual immorality. Doing my best to keep the 10 Commandments and believe in His word, especially John 3: 16For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. Amen!

1 John 5
Faith in the Son of God
1Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves the father loves his child as well. 2This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands. 3This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, 4for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. 5Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.
6This is the one who came by water and blood—Jesus Christ. He did not come by water only, but by water and blood. And it is the Spirit who testifies, because the Spirit is the truth. 7For there are three that testify: 8the Spirit, the water and the blood; and the three are in agreement. 9We accept man's testimony, but God's testimony is greater because it is the testimony of God, which he has given about his Son. 10Anyone who believes in the Son of God has this testimony in his heart. Anyone who does not believe God has made him out to be a liar, because he has not believed the testimony God has given about his Son. 11And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. 12He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life.
Concluding Remarks
13I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life. 14This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 15And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.
16If anyone sees his brother commit a sin that does not lead to death, he should pray and God will give him life. I refer to those whose sin does not lead to death. There is a sin that leads to death. I am not saying that he should pray about that. 17All wrongdoing is sin, and there is sin that does not lead to death.
18We know that anyone born of God does not continue to sin; the one who was born of God keeps him safe, and the evil one cannot harm him. 19We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one. 20We know also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true. And we are in him who is true—even in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life.
Matthew25: 21"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!' … Matthew25: 23"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'


1 Corinthians 6
Lawsuits Among Believers
1If any of you has a dispute with another, dare he take it before the ungodly for judgment instead of before the saints? 2Do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if you are to judge the world, are you not competent to judge trivial cases? 3Do you not know that we will judge angels? How much more the things of this life! 4Therefore, if you have disputes about such matters, appoint as judges even men of little account in the church! 5I say this to shame you. Is it possible that there is nobody among you wise enough to judge a dispute between believers? 6But instead, one brother goes to law against another—and this in front of unbelievers!
7The very fact that you have lawsuits among you means you have been completely defeated already. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated? 8Instead, you yourselves cheat and do wrong, and you do this to your brothers.
9Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders 10nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
Sexual Immorality
12"Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"—but I will not be mastered by anything. 13"Food for the stomach and the stomach for food"—but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. 14By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. 15Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." 17But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.
18Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.