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My Dear Savior:
I am so lost in myself that I have forgotten to include You in my day. I use to pray every morn and through out the day, however I have fallen away. I know this is not due to You, but due to me. I believe the same and feel the same; however my life is not dedicated to You. I work a job that I know You put me in. It is a job where the protocol and standard operating procedures (SOP) are that of Satan’s. A billion dollar company who depends on people like me to keep their money coming in, however it is the love of that money that is wearing me down. Union agreements and policy dictate that we keep the business running a certain way, and it is that way that causes stress to the people that have to follow that SOP. I am sure it is the same way for most corporations, which serve the mighty dollar.
I would love nothing more than to serve you. Is it right to walk away from taking care of my parents and children and serve only You. I am torn in thinking that it is my responsibility to take care of my parents and serving You. My mother is not saved…You know her heart and You know all the truths of my circumstances. My dad is ill and they may not have long to live, but I could die tomorrow and then all the days I lived, I put them before You. I know that is not right. I know my children need me; however they are old enough to take care of them selves. Actually, until my youngest graduates from high school I am tied down. That is only one more school year. By June 2009 he should be set. Mean while my 26 year old daughter would be left to take care of my parents if I were to desert them now.
I hate my job. I dislike living with my parents. I love my children and like them, however they are not saved. I have done all I can for my children, and I continue to support them morally, ethically, and financially when needed. They have rejected Yahweh and Yahushua though. I also have enough knowledge of the bible to know that there are no tears in heaven, so if my children are not there it will have no effect on me. I imagine when Father Yahweh cuts someone off; they are totally cut off; including all memory and knowledge.
Isaiah 65:17 (New King James Version)
The Glorious New Creation
17 “ For behold, I create new heavens and a new earth;
And the former shall not be remembered or come to mind.
Revelations 21:1
[ All Things Made New ] Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. Also there was no more sea.
It will be a new heaven and a new earth. No memories of our loved ones. We do what we can to bring them to the truth while we are living on the planet. Either they are called or they are not. I believe that if I had not walked the path I did in my youth, if I had made better choices and not had an affair with Satan, that things would be different now. I walked that path though, and here I am; sitting here contemplating my next step.
Matthew 20:15-16 (New King James Version)
15 Is it not lawful for me to do what I wish with my own things? Or is your eye evil because I am good?’ 16 So the last will be first, and the first last. For many are called, but few chosen.”[
I can not force Father Yahweh to “Call” my parents or children. If they do not live for the Father with The Son dwelling in them, how can they be chosen? I fear some times that, though I know I was called, and I picked up my cross and followed, that there is a possibility I may not be chosen.
Deuteronomy 7:6-11 (New King James Version)
A Chosen People
6 “For you are a holy people to the LORD your God; the LORD your God has chosen you to be a people for Himself, a special treasure above all the peoples on the face of the earth. 7 The LORD did not set His love on you nor choose you because you were more in number than any other people, for you were the least of all peoples; 8 but because the LORD loves you, and because He would keep the oath which He swore to your fathers, the LORD has brought you out with a mighty hand, and redeemed you from the house of bondage, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt.
9 “Therefore know that the LORD your God, He is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and mercy for a thousand generations with those who love Him and keep His commandments; 10 and He repays those who hate Him to their face, to destroy them. He will not be slack with him who hates Him; He will repay him to his face. 11 Therefore you shall keep the commandment, the statutes, and the judgments which I command you today, to observe them.
I also know
Matthew 5:17-20 (New King James Version)
Christ Fulfills the Law
17 “Do not think that I came to destroy the Law or the Prophets. I did not come to destroy but to fulfill. 18 For assuredly, I say to you, till heaven and earth pass away, one jot or one tittle will by no means pass from the law till all is fulfilled. 19 Whoever therefore breaks one of the least of these commandments, and teaches men so, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever does and teaches them, he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven. 20 For I say to you, that unless your righteousness exceeds the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven.
http://www.theshininglight.info/index.html
http://www.truthofyahweh.org/home.htm
I also believe woman should not teach:
1 Timothy 2:11-13 (King James Version)
10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works. 11 Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence
I am not teaching I am reflecting and explaining why I think as I do. I know I bounce all over the place, You, however The Lover of My Soul, know me better than I know myself. You created me. You designed me and gave me my idiosyncrasies, gift, tells, and quirks. I am me through Your creation. Granted I have free will, but if it is my will to give myself to You and state as I have been for the last 25 plus years, Your will be done in my life. I welcome You into my day and if I forget to welcome You, You know that I have turned my life over to You and being we truly do not know what a day is to You, let it suffice to say that I am Yours do with me as You will. Now, I say that all the time. I live one day at a time and do not store up treasures on earth. If my house were to catch on fire I would grab my cell phone and hand bag and grab my tarantula and dog and then run to see about my brother, parents and children. My possessions can be replaced, with the exception of my photo albums, my loved ones can not. YET. If it is God’s will… I do not save for a rainy day or my future because I believe as a child and know The Father will take care of me.
Luke 12:22-34 (New King James Version)
Do Not Worry
22 Then He said to His disciples, “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; nor about the body, what you will put on. 23 Life is more than food, and the body is more than clothing. 24 Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap, which have neither storehouse nor barn; and God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds? 25 And which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? 26 If you then are not able to do the least, why are you anxious for the rest? 27 Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 28 If then God so clothes the grass, which today is in the field and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will He clothe you, O you of little faith?
29 “And do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink, nor have an anxious mind. 30 For all these things the nations of the world seek after, and your Father knows that you need these things. 31 But seek the kingdom of God, and all these things[c] shall be added to you.
32 “Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom. 33 Sell what you have and give alms; provide yourselves money bags which do not grow old, a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches nor moth destroys. 34 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
I believe and you know all I have is my 401K plan and what ever Social security benefits for when I retire form my money making job. I would love to walk away from my current job. I do not know why You put me in the path of the elderly and ill. NOT my idea, however that seems to be how You have me serving. I took care of my next door neighbor, and You know I feel that I could have done better by her, however I gave what I could of myself and she was taken care of. We both know the facts and truth and my heart and circumstances and know I could have done less than I did… You know… YOU… I know, don’t let your right hand know what your left hand… Father I am just saying that all the good I have done for those You have put in my path seem to have been to the elderly, sick, poor and the mentally challenged. As You know I would love to ok, I am going to store up my treasures in Heaven and not get worldly.
Father Yahweh, in Yahshua’s name, I ask for your permission to serve in a different way than I do now. Now, I know I am supposed to serve from where I was called, however that was in a retail department store that no longer exists. Now I work for a health insurance company that cares more about making a profit from another’s pain and misery and they make sure I can only do so much. What I really would like to do, well, there are several things I’d like to do.
#1 I would like to challenge the NY Lottery system and fight for the profits to be distributed they way they should be…towards the schools and property taxes.
#2 I would like to see a better Senior Advocate of The Department of the Aged system put in place. Seniors are living longer and there are far too many of them dying from neglect because the Medicare system and senior funds have been raped and gang banged one time too many!
#3 I would like to see a better system for the Foster Care and Orphanage systems we have in place. I feel it is a sin that when a child reaches the age of consent they can walk away from the system and start living on the streets. Even if they stick it out and wait until they turn 18 they are turned out of the system to fend for themselves.
Is it possible for me to do all three? Would someone be neglected if I do? Could I possibly use Satan’s system of things in a positive manner? Get grants and open up foster care homes with my sister and nieces and see to it that the people in our foster homes have colleges to go to. I can see it now, it would get ugly. In order to keep the grant money coming in a certain percentage would have to actually graduate from college. I would have to start screening the people who came to the foster home and those who needed the most help, wouldn’t get it because of the SOP! Father, I wait for Your direction. Again I remind You that I am deaf and dumb and blind at times so You will have to hit me over the head with it so to speak. Whatever it is you want me to do, could You please let Kathy know as well. I have it in me now, that what I really would like to do is go to Kathy and help her move to Florida and then stay there with her and open a Foster Home. I do not know if this is from You or just something I started thinking about when Kathy told me how girls end up street walking when they age out of the system. You know I do not know enough about politics to make waves in the NY Lottery. I have inkling, but with out Your go ahead and approval… Father, again in Yahshua’s name, I ask “How do You want me to serve and from where?” “Do You want me to stay where I am, or can I walk away from my parents?” I await Your guidance, for You know all I truly want is life on a new earth the way You wanted it to be and that on judgment day I hear, “Well done good and faithful servant.”
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